we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
