she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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