She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
