i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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