Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
