Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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