ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
