we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
