Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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