Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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