I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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