Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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