My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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