i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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