she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
