Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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