Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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