If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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