I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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