That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
