im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
