Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
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well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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