we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
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I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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