I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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