Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
