PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
