I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
