Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
