I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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