DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
