Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
People in love make me want to vomit
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
