I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
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I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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