I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
