I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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