My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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