i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
