Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
