As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
