No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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