six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
