Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
