Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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