She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
