Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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