yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize