it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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