this boner is exhausting
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
