I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
