A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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