I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
