Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
