Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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