we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
