remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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