Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
