I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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