So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
