do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If I die, sorry about rent.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
