it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
