She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
