Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
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1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize